Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Movie Review: Swarmed

Swarmed
Rated PG-13
3 Slimes
Copyright Reel One Entertainment 2005

THE CHARACTERS

Kent Horvath: He is the scientist who basically screwed up and made an extremely killer wasp pesticide that actually makes them more aggressive and makes their venom more deadly by accident! Talk about the complete opposite of what you were supposed to do! He is also friends with Q, who really only made the situation worse for him when dealing with the insects. He and Cristina get together at the end of the film for no reason.

Cristina Brown: She is a expert in bugs and has her own little educational show. She is brought in to help Kent deal with the killer wasps that are on a rampage. Somehow, she and Kent get together at the end of the film with no real reason why they end up together.

Q: He is the owner of Bug Busters and he has a thing against yellow-jackets. He accidently takes the pesticide that makes the wasps more aggressive from the lab and sprays it on a wasps’ nest! He does make up for it by killing most of the wasps at the cook-off.

Rafe: He is Q’s assistant in his bug busting business and has been sent there by his parents for some reason. Don’t know why though.

Phineas Washburn: Tim Thomerson! He runs a successful barbeque sauce business that sponsors the local BBQ Cook-Out in the town where everything is going down. Swallows some wasps that kill him when he is hiding out.

Mayor Gibson: I am making another call; this is one of the worst movie mayors ever. Worst then that one in Jaws and worse than the one in Octopus 2. This jerk won’t shut down the big cook-off event in his town; despite knowing that there are killer wasps on the loose! Oh yeah, he is corrupt and is killed by a wasp sting to the eye so go figure.

Officer Doug Heydon: The police officer in charge of handling the wasp murders and is surprisingly competent. I wonder what ever happened to him at the end of the film? We don’t know if he is alive or dead at the end of the film which stinks.

Melanie Sheer: A news reporter who should know one very important thing. Never, EVER taunt wasps.

Wasps: Killer wasps that are genetically altered by a pesticide, which makes them more aggressive and their venom very deadly. They have something against people who are barbequing, since they just attack anyone who happens to be doing that or are around a grill. They are all burned to death, but for some strange and impossible reason, the queen survives.

LESSONS LEARNED
+ When wasps attack, their vision goes all red.
+ In the heartland of America, you will find flags and maps of Canada.
+ Wasps can sting up to a good 50 times and not die.
+ Wasps eat eyeballs.
+ Wasps will attack any person barbequing or drinking liquor.
+ Wasps can be tracked with a radar.
+ Shotguns are effective with taking out single wasps while pepper spray does nothing.

STUFF TO WATCH FOR
5 min – Oh, I can see where this is going!
8 min – Ah crap, now there are commercials in a movie!
20 min – Sir, you are an idiot.
29 min – Am I watching a Burger King commercial now?
33 min – Phantasmagoria 2?!
35 min – Shut the lid? Alright then, if you won’t do that, run!!!!!
36 min – Note to self, find that movie to watch later. It looks cheesier than this one.
40 min – If it takes only 2 stings to bring down a guy, why is it now taking over 50?
42 min – He looks pretty good being stung over hundreds of times.
45 min – He’s alive! Damn, that anti-venom works wonders, despite the venom being stronger.
52 min – Incompetence!
54 min – Ouch!
59 min – RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A COMPUTER CHAIR!
61 min – Lawsuits!? You would get more lawsuits for keeping the event going instead of shutting it down! Think man think!
66 min – You should have told him the mayor was killed. He would have listened then!
72 min – People, please! Pick up the pace and start moving your asses!
74 min – How come the camera keeps moving while he is standing still inside of a phone booth?
76 min – I personally would stay in the trash can until nightfall, mostly because I am smart.
83 min – Huh? Why did he do that?
85 min – Alright, that makes no sense.

NOTABLE QUOTES
Rafe: Can I drive?
Q: My van? Not a chance!

THE PLOT

No, this is not The Swarm, but this movie has the basic idea behind it. Swarmed is about what you would expect from the title. Scientists genetically altered wasps, making them more vicious and their stings more deadly. Basic killer wasp/bee movie stuff, so don’t expect much for this film. Also, this film happens to be a Sci-Fi Channel production! How wonderful and now with that in mind, let’s take a look!

We begin in a laboratory with some scientific experiments on some yellow-jackets. From what they are showing, I am guessing the lab is doing thing that will undoubtedly end in many tragedies. During the middle of the night, the janitor accidently opens up one of the containers that holds the wasps and it ends up being his doom. Some people are just not qualified to do custodial work surprisingly.

The next day, we find ourselves in Dundas, Indiana for their first National BBQ Burger Cook-Off! Wasp fodder ahoy! After a stupid in movie commercial for barbecue sauce, we return back instantly to the lab, where the police have arrived after the janitor’s body has been found. Kent Horvath, the main scientist in charge of these wasp experiments, explains that they were trying to create a pesticide to kill wasps easier. Since the pesticide in question actually made the wasps more aggressive and deadly, I have to say he failed big time.

Now the wasp that killed the janitor actually hides itself inside of the mouth of the dead guy and escapes the lab that way! Damn that is one smart bug! Also, apparently the venom is getting more deadly because two good stings kill the coroner when he examines the body. Great, now who will examine that body?

After that delightful scene, we see girl and her father, start grilling some food outside when the smoke from the grill gets some wasps very angry. Strange, I thought smoke hurts or at least does something to wasps that would prevent them from getting aggressive and attacking. Either I am wrong or this movie is wrong and it is very hard to tell. So they call Q and Rafe, bug exterminators to take care of the problem.

Since his business is out of bug killer (Seems weird to run out of that stuff when he clearly needs it), Q goes to the lab where Kent works to pick up some pesticide. His friend allows him to take some, but tells him not to take the red bottle, which is the bottle that has the pesticide that makes killer wasps. Of course, when he goes into the room, he decides to take the red bottle anyways. Some people just don’t listen.

So Q shows up at the Orsow resident and sprays those wasps & their nest. Guess what happens now? They die… ok, kind of a letdown… Meanwhile, Kent makes a discovery from examining one of the dead wasps in his lab that the venom in them has multiplied by 7.4! Whoa, that’s pretty powerful. We get to see that in action a few moments later when Q tries to destroy the hive at his workstation and the wasps suddenly spring to life. They attack him, but he luckily survives when he dives into his van and takes an anti-venom injection.

So the swarm goes on a rampage, stinging any poor sap that happens to be barbecuing. I guess these things just hate people who barbeque. Since they seem to have an vendetta against those types of people and there is a big BBQ event going on in town, you can sense where this heading! Kent then gets some help from another scientist named Cristina Brown in dealing with the wasps. They figure out what Q did and talk to him. He tells them about what happen and figures that the swarm is heading for town so everyone heads there to take them out.

Officer Heydon, the officer in charge of the wasp murders, tries to warn the Chief of Police of the upcoming problem with the insects, but he doesn’t listen and doesn’t believe they will be a threat. Then they show up with convenient timing and kill him. Meanwhile, Cristina and Kent try to warn the mayor, but he ends up before they even get there.

They then try to talk to the only person left who is in charge of the event, Phineas Washburn, to shut it down. Of course, he doesn’t listen and refuses to shut down the cook-off. So of course, the swarm finds the Cook-Off and attacks anything that happens to be moving. Everyone panics and flees as the wasps wreak havoc, but as our heroes show up to save the day. However, they show up before Washburn and the local TV news lady bites the dust.

Using a bunch of meat as bait, Q leads the swarm into a shed where Rafe, Kent, and Cristina have loaded a bunch of propane tanks and gasoline inside. With the swarm in, the group blows the place up, killing all the wasps. When in doubt about killing killer animals, always consider blowing them up to deal with them. The movie ends with Kent and Cristina together (Why?) and the queen wasp is still alive. I question how, but the movie ends so I instantly stopped caring.

So, how was this film? I can safely say without a doubt that this wasn’t a terrible movie. It was certainly bad and very b-movie like, but it was not a terrible film. The acting was decent, the setting was fine, the makeup jobs on the wasp victims looked good, and the CGI effects for the wasps look good most of the time.

Where the film fails though is the biology field and the story. Most of the facts and things said about wasps are very questionable and do seem fake to me. The story is very cliché and pulls out most of the same things you would see in many other movies, with their characters and story events. Also, what was up with the lady trying to kill a yellow-jacket with a shotgun? However, this film wasn’t that bad and it was an alright killer insect movie. Not one of the best, but certainly a fun ride.

1 comment:

  1. Have you notice the police uniforms? They all have a patch with the Queens' crown on top (something you would find on a Canadian cop like RCMP). The movie was suppose to be set in a small US town hahahaha!!!!

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