Movie Review Archive

Movie Review Archive

Here’s the listing for all available movie reviews on the site in alphabetical order.

“A” Titles:
Alien Trespass (2009): A tribute to 50s sci-fi films with all the hammy acting and amusing bad effects you’ll ever need.
Anaconda (1997): The first in a series about giant killer snakes. It's the only time when you’ll see an explosion not kill something.
Animal Crossing (2006): Wait a minute, there was Animal Crossing movie?
Animal Farm (1954): Animals revolt against a terrible farmer in this faithful (until the end) adaption of George Orwell’s story.
The Andromeda Strain (1971): The film adaption of the book featuring a killer space disease.
Ants (1977): A TV movie in which ants attack a hotel.
Attack of the Monsters (1969): Gamera fights a knife monster in order to save 2 stupid kids.

“B” Titles:
Beware! The Blob (1972): The sequel to The Blob. The highlights of the film are the special effects obviously done by fourth graders.
Blood Beach (1981): A killer monster under a beach will leave the audience completely bored.
Bug (1975):  The earth cracks open and releases a bunch of cockroaches that can start fires.

“C” Titles:
Case Closed: The Fourteenth Target (2007): A killer is on the loose and it is all around playing cards.
Congo (1995): A movie featuring Bruce Campbell, people in gorilla costumes, and a laser powered by diamonds. Says a lot doesn’t it?
Cool World (1992): One of zaniest movies ever made that has no plot or focus.

“D” Titles:
Deep Blue Sea (1999): A shark movie in which Samuel L. Jackson is bitten in 2.
Dick Tracy (1990): A Warren Beatty film on the classic comic series.
Disaster Movie (2008): The title should have tipped me off about how crappy it was.
DOA: Dead or Alive (2007): A video game adaption of the popular fighting series. Remember, it is all about the girls.

“E” Titles:
Eight Legged Freaks (2002): My first ever movie review about a town attacked by giant killer spiders.
Evolution (2001): Aliens come to Earth and it is up to Fox Mulder and a whole lot of shampoo to save everyone!

“F” Titles:
Fantastic Four (1994): Bet you didn't even know there was another Fantastic Four before the newer ones!
Frogs (1971): A movie about killer swamp animals and a whole lot of frog/toad stock footage.

“G” Titles:
Godzilla (1998): The American adaption that actually has very little to do with Godzilla himself.

“H” Titles:
The Haunted Mansion (2003): An Eddie Murphy film. Don’t run away just yet!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (2000): Ron Howard’s underrated adaption of a Christmas classic.

“I” Titles:
In Search of the Titanic (2002): The most unnesscary and horrible sequel in existance and I have seen Jaws: The Revenge before.
Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem (2003): An alien band is kidnapped and brought to Earth to make music.  Now there's a reason to make a movie!

“J” Titles:
Jaws (1975): The granddaddy of all killer shark films.
Jaws 3-D (1983): The third film of the series where everything began to go very wrong.

“K” Titles:
KAW (2007) Killer ravens cause havoc in a little community.
Kong Island (1968): A movie that has nothing to do with King Kong or an island for that matter.
Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep (2006): Surprise, surprise.  A Nu Image Films movie that doesn't suck.

“L” Titles:
The Legend of the Titanic (1999): This is the animated equivalent of Manos: The Hands of Fate.

“M” Titles:
Mac and Me (1988): A movie about product placement guest staring an alien.
Mars Attacks! (1996): Martians invade and the government leaps into action, dooming America.
Megalodon (2002): A terrible looking CGI shark attacks an oil rig at some point.
Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009): A bunch of idiots try to find a way to fight against giant sea creatures.
Monkeybone (2001): A trip to the afterlife as never been this insane before.
Monster A Go-Go (1965): An example of when films go very bad.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997): Reminding you that movie adaptations of video games do tend to suck.

“N” Titles:
Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow (2007): Based off the popular anime that should only be watched by serious fans of the show.
The Nutcracker: The Untold Story (2010): Dancing? Nah.  Musical numbers involving Nazi rats?  Oh yeah!

“O” Titles:
Osamu Tezuka's Metropolis (2002): An adaption of manga from the 50s, which was an adaption of a movie poster of a silent film from the 20s.  Trust me, it is a lot better than it sounds.

“P” Titles:
The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1955): A killer underwater monster attacks a bunch of people riding in rowboats.
Pocket Ninjas (1997): The only film that can make TMNT 3 look like a masterpiece.
Pokémon: The First Movie (1999): Remember kids, fighting is wrong!

“Q” Titles:
No films yet

“R” Titles:
Raggedy Ann and Andy: A Musical Adventure (1977): When musicals go off the deep end.
The Rats (2002): Perfume hating rats overrun a small part of New York City.
Red Water (2003): It's Lou Diamond Phillips verus Coolio and a mean bull shark.
Robot Holocaust (1986): Despite the title, this is one uninteresting film.
Rock & Rule (1983): In the future, the power of rock shall rule the world and the mutants!

“S” Titles:
Samurai Cop (1989): One of the most hilariously bad action movies ever to be made.
The Shaft (2001): A remake of a German film where elevators terrorize people in a skyscraper.
Shark Swarm (2008): CGI sharks kill people in a fishing town and no one notices.
The Spirit (2008): You can never have enough monologues in film.
Standing Ovation (2010): If you thought kids' movies couldn't sink any longer, prepare for something truly horrifying.
Street Fighter (1994): A British-American solider fights a 50 year old dictator.
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009): Video game movies have never looked worse before, besides when Uwe Boll made them.
Swarmed (2005): A swarm of killer hornets go after barbequing people.

“T” Titles:
Tentacles (1977): A size changing octopus attacks a coast town.
The Thing From Another World (1951): A classic science fiction film that reminds you to keep watching the skies.
Tremors (1990): Underground worms attack Kevin Bacon and a small town.
Twice Upon a Time (1983): One of the rarest animated films to ever be created.

“U” Titles:
Uzumaki (2000): A Japanese horror movie that forgot to add horror.

“V” Titles:
Vampire's Night Orgy (1974): There are no orgies here and possibly even vampires!

“W” Titles:
No films yet.

“X” Titles:
No films yet.

“Y” Titles:
No films yet.

“Z” Titles:
No films yet.